The dude and I are getting married in September. When I was a little girl, I used to dream about being a superhero. I would lie in my bed imagining myself flying over my home town until my lids dosily lowered and my night-time superhero took on a life of her own. When I was a bit older, I dreamt about being a farmer. When I was a teenager, my daydreams moved on to working in a library with medieval manuscripts, or being a writer, or a gardener, or teacher, or someone who owned a collection of fabulous shoes. Or all of the above.
I have never dreamt about being a bride. Getting married wasn’t particularly something I ever seriously considered. I knew it might happen one day, but it was something floating around in my future, and not something to dream about. Marrying the dude is exciting, it’s a new adventure for both of us and planning our wedding day as a team is a lot of fun. But…I am beginning to realise that society views a wedding day, as the bride’s day.
I don’t think I am making a good bride. I get asked a lot of questions, by people who are happy and excited for the dude and me. It’s lovely, but I can see their looks of puzzlement when I respond by saying “no, I didn’t cry when I found ‘the dress’ because it’s an item of clothing.” And “no, I am not making any bunting, or origami cranes, or any crafts, because I can’t be bothered.” Genuinely, I can’t be arsed to spend evenings and weekends making decorations which will get about seven hours of use. I have three ‘bridesmaids’ who are mature, fabulous women who do not need me to tell them how to dress. So, they are choosing for themselves. Some brides even dictate the bridesmaids’ hair and make-up. I’ve been a bridesmaid twice, and have had my toenail varnish colour dictated to me. I couldn’t care less what my wing women go for. Their eyeshadow has no bearing on my marriage.
The average wedding costs around £21,000 excluding the cost of the honeymoon. That’s great for people who are loaded, but for those of us who aren’t it can be an unreasonably expensive endeavour. The wedding business is an industry that encourages people to go to extreme lengths for what is essentially a party. I don’t know about you, but give me a glass of fizz, a twiglet and some MC Hammer on the stereo and I am havin’ myself a partay!
So, what are we doing? We are committing ourselves to one another in front of our loved ones. We are promising to take care of each other always, to support each other, and to make the effort to be the best team we can be. I don’t dream about being a bride, but I do dream about being old with the dude, looking back at our wedding day and laughing together about the number of pairs of shoes I tried to cram in… some dreams do come true.